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Ask Jane: Telling the Kids About Robyn
Hi Jane, welcome. I am looking forward to your column. Here is a question that is hotly debated in my household. I have been a CD for years. I enjoy my time as Robyn, but only my wife knows about Robyn. My daughter is 16, very understanding and a great girl. I think she and Robyn could be good friends. The hotly debated question is when is the time right to tell her that her Macho Dad also has a softer side? Thanks for your thoughts.
Robyn
Dear Robyn,
What makes you think she doesn't know already? With their uncanny sixth sense, kids observe what's happening at home and miss very little. Like most parents, I shared nothing about my sexual self with my daughters while they were growing up. I remember my younger daughter at four knocking on my bedroom door late one night, complaining that she couldn't sleep for all the "clapping" I was up to. At 14, she reflected back and realized I was spanking her daddy that night!
First of all, you and your wife should be in agreement about telling your daughter; it's a part of life shared with your wife and not a secret that is yours alone. Second, if you both decide to tell, it's more a matter of how you tell your daughter than what you tell her. For example, if you feel shame and guilt about cross-dressing, you'll burden and oppress her with the news; if you feel comfortable and light about it, you'll be letting her into a joyful part of your life ... Her acceptance of the concept is very much dependent upon how you yourselves feel about it. My sense is that you feel great about your alter ego Robyn and want to share this side of yourself because you have a great relationship with your daughter and want her to know all of who you are.
If you and your wife decide to let your daughter in on the third adult living in your house, keep in mind that at 16 your daughter is going through enormous changes in her life ... hormones, boys, college pressure, etc. Introduce her slowly, perhaps by leaving out a book such as My Husband Betty to read. She'll want to know WHY her dad wants (and needs) to slip into Robyn now and then; discuss cross-dressing in a larger cultural sense.
Don't push your daughter to meet Robyn. She'll have a lot to process before she'll be able to relate to dad as the person he is as Robyn; at first, she won't "see" Robyn, only her dad in a dress. So take it slow; after you tell her about Robyn, let your daughter decide when she's ready to meet her. That is, if she hasn't already figured out that Robyn's a member of the family, too.
Jane
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Robyn Moore 8/10/2007 19:18 Hi Jane, Thought I would give you a follow-up on my question. Several months ago, the morning after an evening out as Robyn, I found a box of makeup remover wipes on my bathroom sink with a note from my daughter "look at your eyes you need these more than I do." Turns out you were right. She and her brother have known about Robyn for years. Since then we have talked about Robyn and have been shopping for Robyn but she is not ready to meet Robyn, just yet, and I am in no hurry. My wife was a bit upset that I was not more careful about leftover eye liner, but she has accepted the fact t
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