Ask Jane, Column 4
 Posted By Jane V |
Ask Jane: Who's He Gonna Love?
Hi, Jane,
I'm a 36 year-old straight male and an admirer of TGs since I was in college. I find them to be fun, exciting, sexy and extremely erotic. I have not had a long-term relationship with a TG, but my sexual encounters have been with the same TG women over extended periods. I have picked them up in their apartments and taken them out on dates, brought flowers, etc. I have treated them like ladies, not playthings. I have had deep passionate kisses with them and have maintained contact.
I am not ready to reveal this part of my life to friends or family. I am an executive with a large company and this would not be understood. I have been married. I love women as well, but have not found a woman who entices me in the same way as a TG woman for various reasons.
I have had better sexual experiences with TGs than GGs. I'm not sure if this makes me gay, but I would love to have an LTR with a TV or TS to see if falling in love is possible. What are your thoughts on this from a man with these feelilngs?
D
Darling,
It's a shame that we are judged so harshly for any desires that fall outside what is considered the norm. (By the way, just exactly who defined the "norm"? I'd sure love to sit down over lunch with this person and talk about things). It's interesting, too, that it's partly because of your career that you don't feel free to pursue the personal life you prefer. Our personal and professional lives presumably are mutually exclusive - but, of course, in truth are not because of societal expectations.
One sentence you write speaks volumes: "I love women as well, but have not found a woman who entices me the same way as a TG woman for various reasons." Well, darling, those "various reasons" are, simply put, that you're not as attracted to women as you are to TGs, period. Own this truth, darling, because if you don't you'll always and forever yearn for your treasured TGs - the only women who really "do it" for you.
However. (And there's always a "however" in big life questions like yours.)
There's more to life than just your erotic orientation ... and this needs to be factored into your thinking as well ... For example, if your overriding desire in life is to fall in step with the "shoulds" - if conforming is very important to you - and if you wish to have children and a traditional family - well, then you need to weigh this into the equation of your life and the choices you make.
Yes, you can fall in love and find happiness with a TG, darling. Two hearts can always connect; true love knows no gender.
If you care to, let me know how you proceed ... I'd like to hear how your life progresses as you work out this enormous life question.
Jane
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Please Post your Comments or Questions for Jane below...
Recent Comments |
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| Most Recent Comments - 4 comments total |
| Ed Simpson
9/22/2006 13:35 I can empathize with D...I am a 55 yr old bi male who is married to a great lady for 30+ years, but have always loved being with transgendered ladies as well. I have had several "affairs", three fairly long term, and have often felt that I would be completely happy maried to a pre or post op lady. I have found this is not a fetish, it is something that I am completely comfortable with, including reciprocal sex with pre-op persons. I think that if more men admitted their true feelings, we all would be more accepting and get along a whole lot better. Ed |
| Jessi Janelle Ray
8/31/2006 06:58 (cont'd from previous post)...I have also found in talking with many men, that they see in us, some things that they say they "used" to see in GG's, but don't now a days. I think it may be we hold a bit of a more "old fashioned" ideal about how a woman should "present herself", and relationships with a man. I also think that as T-woman, we tend to work harder at our appearence, and our femininity, i know i cherish womanhood and femininity, men see that effort, and it's very aluring to them, something they seek, and don't find in a lot of GG women....my two cents worth :) |
| Jessi Janelle Ray
8/31/2006 06:54 I'd just like to say to D, that from my own personal experience in talking with many men over time that have similar feelings as he, this is what I am hearing. by nature, you are as most men, attracted to the "opposite" sex. A "true" T-woman for all intents and purposes is a woman, and i've found that it's that "persona" that attracts first, then if you find her physically attractive, it intensifies the attraction, as it would with any woman. And so i feel that your attraction is quite natural, and you shouldn't feel that you may be "gay" or "bi" or whatever (more in a second |
| Valerie S
8/29/2006 02:01 Why are all these people afraid to be gay? (see last column too) So what. If anything, it's a relatively small worry (especially with the high exposure lately to gay lifestyle). Boo hoo, you have a "lot on the line": career, family, etc. What about the other person? Don't you think they gave up a lot to live their life the way they want to? They were scared too (and perhaps still are), but they are strong enough to overcome that fear. It's about time that anyone who wants to associate themselves with the gender gifted to get over their shame too. hrmph. =P |
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