Through the Looking Glass, Column 5
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Going on a Manhunt
Today I'd like to talk about men, or at least the men that we t-ladies come across. And like my famous two types of trans ladies, there tends to be two types of gentlemen we might attract: trans admirers and straight men. But first, let me explain why this subject has become so near and dear to me. As many of you know, I'm a happily married bisexual crossdresser, who for the last seven years has enjoyed the blessing of an open relationship and a steady man on the side. Well, all good things come to an end, and alas my steamy affair with Frank seems . . . frankly to have run out of steam, leaving me reluctantly out on my lonesome gazing afresh at the world of men. At the same time, the Lodge, L.A.'s best t-club shut its doors last September with no heir apparent, scattering tranny and chaser alike to the wind.
Subsequently, I've spent many more of my weekly girl-nights in gay and straight venues than ever before and confirmed a number of notions I'd previously sensed and even learned a few new ones. It's been enlightening, and I'll happily share what I've learned from my, and my friends', and my patients' experiences'but I'd also like to encourage all of you to share what you've discovered, on the Internet and out in the world with me by email (Alice.novic@verizon.net). First and foremost, I've re-acquainted myself with that classic lesson from Out and About 101: gay clubs are the best and gay men even better, but not the least interested in us. What can make a gay club interesting for t-gal, like me, who's in touch with the softer side of her sexuality, however, is the incidental appearance of one of the other two types of men: straight men and admirers'and it's often very hard to tell the difference.
Of course, it's a whole lot easier to find straight men at a straight club, but even there, there's always that tense question of 'Does he know or doesn't know?' and what that says about me as a woman and him as a man. Ah, the difficulty of distinguishing the pass from the play-along, especially the well-practiced play-along of an experienced trans-fan. I have a hetero crossdresser friend who cheerfully skips right over it and always assumes she's passing and that the men hitting on her are straight. Though it 'works for she,' making this distinction and clarifying it with the man in question'at the right place and time'might really start to matter if she ever hoped her flirtation might lead to something more.
Is there truly a difference between straight men and trans admirers, when most of them and many of us would deny it emphatically? Well, like the distinction between love-to-be-femme and act-femme TGs, the distinction between straight men and admirers is one of those things that 'seems to be' even if it doesn't always 'work for you and me.' So, you man hunters out there must by now be hungry to know why admirers are different, how to tell them apart from regular straight men, which kind to go for, and what you need to know if you do. All good questions, but for the time being, my dears, this old lioness has run out of steam. Please share what you know'or think you know'and tune in next month for The Two Types of Men Who Might Be Interested.
Life's rich, complex, and full of possibilities. Be careful and enjoy!
Alice Novic, M.D.
To learn more about me than you'd ever dare to ask, please see my smart, sexy memoir, Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age.
Also, if you wish to eMail Alice with Questions, Comments or Topics for Future Through the Looking Glass Articles, feel free to send her an eMail at Alice.novic@verizon.net or to Post any Comments below.
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Suzie Taylor Anton 2/28/2007 15:34 Hie Alice, I love your expressions of the TG world and inquiry about men who love TG women. You are in the world of comparity (is there such a word, giggles) and use that slippery slope so nicely. Two types of men who might be interested? The complexity of that is enormous as a result of the endless strands of DNA. Straight man (hands on) and trans male admirers (spectator) are a small example of endless possibilities. All my male encounters declared their straightness, so i slip into full on female mode (my best). So how can I separate the two? I will go to your vznet
Victoria Jaye 2/24/2007 11:17 The world has soooo many possibilities and combinations and classifications... the best way when out is to be yourself! when your not its always harder to connect to whomever you are trying to be with! ANd Alice I hope you find some new and equally as fulfilling as Frank was --- in their own special way of course! Best, Vickie
Sonia Kiss 2/08/2007 11:23 Hi Demi, I agree that there are lots of different kinds of "men" depending on how you look at things. You and I--tgirls--are one kind. But you know, what we love *most* is not being the man, but being the woman. This is *SO* different from a man who loves being the man. Maybe even more different still is the man who knows nothing other than being the man. My experience here is so limited though. I can't wait to hear what two types of men Alice is thinking of. She's such a tease!!! Kiss! Sonia.
Demi Lautrec 2/03/2007 09:21 Just like giving advice, sometimes you want to get it, so here i go. Im guessing there is more grey than black and white on this one, is few bsolute "one or the other".. And to complicate it further, I guess Im both of the above AND a t-girl too! And most complicated is how all of these "classifications" manifest themselves in actual behavior. It's enough to just want to throw youre hands up and stop trying to figure it out. Which is precisely when that certain someone will come calling!
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