Tainted Love
Smooth radiant skin, ridiculously long red nails, an incredibly teased mane of long blond hair. Even those pencil thin delicately arched brows all created strange sensations even before getting to my final destination. The black satin corset tapered my torso and waist just like the red one had done the day before. It may have been hidden under the black sequined sheath-dress that stretched over my unnatural curves but I didn’t care.
The flowing tresses of my hair. The glittering jewelry. The glimpse of lace tops on my ultra sheer taupe thigh-high Cuban heeled stockings, which just couldn’t be helped with how short my hemline was. The black six inch patent stilettos were just as sexy, and as wonderful to sashay around in as the red ones had been the night before. It was the wickedly perfect and sultry look I had somehow managed to achieve each night. My meticulous approach with my makeup was well worth the extra time spent. With a few strategic dabs of White Diamonds perfume to finish me off I was finally ready for my date to arrive.
I felt so utterly and totally feminine, I just Looked simply amazing. I would be visually stunning to all who saw me. Too bad nobody ever would tonight.
As I swayed my hips seductively down the hall imagining the appreciative stares that were upon me, I smiled happily. Moments later I was there. My beacon of light, and truth, or so I thought. I gently slid into my chair and clicked the “Log On” tab. Ready and waiting for my scrumptious date to arrive. Unfortunately He never did…..
Now isn’t that just terrible ladies and gentlemen. This poor sweet girl is all dolled up and going absolutely nowhere fast. Incidentally our would be heroine does find out a week later that her “date’s” computer broke down and had to be replaced.
Can you see the dilemma here? Two nice people looking for love, and a connection to end the drudgery or loneliness. Well if you’re here on URNA you may have been on this quite depressing path more than once. I would claim the aforementioned was a portrait of fantasy or fiction but I’m guessing a few people here have gone through this more than once. So lets have a closer look at the advantages and drawbacks of the “Internet date” or what I like to call a non date or an introduction to perhaps an actual date.
Here’s Just a little hint as to what a real date is, for those of you who consider driving around in your car late at night an actual outing. A real date is actually going someplace together that is very public and being seen! That’s right ladies and gentlemen. You actually have to leave the house and go someplace well lit. Now ladies I’m not saying that if you drive over to his place that it’s not public but that is not the kinda “date” I’m talking about here.
First things first. If you are even considering calling a chat session a date you’re pretty misguided. There is no sound, no color, and no passion. Even an attempted flirtation can go unnoticed faster than a Chinese bullet train. Conversations are broken up into flavorless statements and there is no sugar available today that can liven them up. More often than not its difficult to figure out which strings of statements go together. Real conversations flow seamlessly and have all the things we love. Eye contact, body language, atmosphere, and a healthy dose of animal magnetism. Oh and one more thing, a “cam session” is porn not dating. Deal with it!
Hold on I know what you’re thinking…. “But, We have been chatting for so long and we really do love each other” Sorry to disappoint you, but NO you don’t.
Yes I know you “think” he or she may be “everything” you ever wanted…. BUT…. Unless you are actually sitting across the table from each other, or are in your fifth year of a relationship IT’S NOT A DATE! What you are “in love” with is a fantasy image created by your own mind. So by default you’re in love with yourself. Not with whomever you happen to be talking to by mail, chat, or on a webcam. I’m not saying that whatever your fantasy is that it won’t manifest into reality but……. For more clarification peruse my pervious article “Life is just a Fantasy”.
Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with using the chat system here to get to know people. “Talking to” and “meeting” new people from all over the world is a really terrific joy. I’m occasionally in there and have met with some incredible people. Unfortunately I have also met some real cads too. The biggest problem I face and I’m sure many of us face here is the distance issue. That’s right that hunky guy or sexy girl lives a bazillion miles away. Hold on don’t go rushing over to check your frequent flyer miles just yet. The distance may actually be a good thing. It can really help to slow both of you down enough that you can decide if getting together is actually worth it. I know, you are utterly convinced it is but just ask yourself a few questions first.
The biggest question is what to do about it? Well, first you really need to see it for what it is. Chat and mail are a means to a hopefully super duper happy ending. Just like the spare tire on your car it may get you where you want to go but it’s a really bad idea to keep it on there indefinitely. It will eventually fail because it’s just not designed to be a long term solution.
Chat rooms and mail are the same way, they will never replace real human contact. That my wonderful readers is what should always be your true goal. If it actually is then Katy bar the door because it’s party time for you two lovebirds.
In case you’re wondering this is the part where we get out the hot coco and snuggle up on the couch again. Yes I’m wearing my fuzzy pink bunny slippers, and no I’m not all trussed up in sheer pink lingerie so relax and keep those delightfully sinful thoughts for later.
I have met some really spectacular people in chat, and by mail. That just proves how wonderful a place URNA is. Sometimes though, people will tell me how much in love with me they are and how we should get together or some other sordid thought. I am always flattered by those statements, but come on. How could anyone possibly think that I’m perfect for them when they have never actually met me. It goes without saying that my personal life or my quirky habits may drive them off as soon as they arrive. Besides that, don’t I get some choice in whether a “you” and an “I” become a “we”? My favorite people are the one’s who totally ignore those things. If someone is not willing to let you take part in that kind of decision you should run away as fast as you can. No matter what is said these people are just completely convinced they are in love with me. How totally immature and just plain silly.
If you’re sitting there pining away for some girl or boy on the other side of the planet is that really the best use of your time? It might be if you can’t find what you want locally. Keep in mind though, that just because you have some imaginary fantasy life in your head, not that one…guys; It doesn’t mean it will become a reality or even work out the way you intend it to. Before you go rushing in there to make a huge commitment or change in your life you need to figure out if it will be what you both really want. You need to know what you can to do to make this potential relationship a real one. Real relationships take WORK, HONESTY, SACRIFICE, AND TRUST by the truckload.
Technology is a really wonderful tool, I spend every day of the week drowning in it. That certainly does not mean I am opposed to using it as the tool that it is. I have a nail file, and I even have a screwdriver, at least that’s what I think they call it. I don’t, and won’t introduce either of them as a boyfriend though. However I will use both of them to attract one. I will file my nails until they are perfect and use the screwdriver to break into your apartment while you’re on that “business trip” with that bitch from accounting.
Now, if you’re using your tool effectively she is definitely going to come back for more. Count on it. If you don’t have a clue how to use your tool she is just gong to shake her head and wander off to powder her nose. So guy’s you had better get the manual out and learn how if you are serious about scoring totally fine girls like us. I just wonder how many of you had your mind in the gutter?
So here is the dilemma you are faced with, use the computer to find love or take your chances at the local pub. So what are the advantages and disadvantages to the chatroom and mail seductions you might be wondering? Well this month we are going to have a look.
The Awesome Advantages:
It’s a very low pressure and low cost way to meet large numbers of people you are attracted to. Keep in mind I said “YOU” not her or him. Just because YOU tell them you want more does not entitle you to it. You may not be what they are looking for so don’t be discouraged by it just keep looking. You also never know they just might be looking for you too. Keep that in mind when you get a note on your page from some cute boy or girl. Guys just a little sidebar, never send the same note to different girls. I actually had this happen and it blew any chance he would have ever had to be with me.
It’s also great if you’re busy and just can’t rush off to meet someone for drinks or a cup of coffee. Nowadays you can check your mail from literally anywhere so when you have the time to write that sinful love letter you can do it with gusto. No matter where they are they can respond on their schedule too, and the conversation can flow much more easily.
You get the chance to test the water so you’re not overcome by that nasty undertow. If you do it right you can find out if the vision of yummy you see here is really that delicious during a conversation. Both of you can feel each other out in a non threatening way. You have a rare opportunity to see if both of you have mutual interests or even shared goals.
Another fantastic upside is you’re not sending parchment by bottle or ship anymore. Back then if you didn’t get a letter it was usually because the castle was sacked or the ship sank. Chat gives you that nearly instant response to a question or any concerns you might have. Long ago most relationships were built by letter, and very few courtships ever took place in person. In a sense you could say we have just reverted back to the original style of courtship. That’s pretty neat when you think about it. Keep in mind though that some unscrupulous characters are here too. So beware lass, there be monsters!
Another nice thing is that you can chat from home where you feel safe and totally relaxed. No matter what you’re wearing your personality can really shine. There is no stress about whether your socks match or if your bra is showing. You can dress as casually as you want to and have no fear about whether you look good.
Next we have that delightful invention Alexander and Thomas came up with; the telephone. That one device has closed the communication gap in incredible ways. Previously it could take years to finally meet the one you have been writing to. having a phone is a whole lot more cool huh. If you live close to each other it’s an easy way to schedule a time to actually meet. Chat and mail are a great icebreaker, but if you get to the point of talking, and you don’t feel any chemistry then you can just move on with minimal headache. Just remember conversational chemistry is not the same as physical chemistry.
The Internet date has some pretty nifty advantages over getting all dolled up and driving down to the local pub or the church social. The low pressure and low cost of meeting people just can’t be beat. The time and scheduling or the where and when you get notes is wonderful if your on the go a lot. So It is definitely worth the investment to be in the chat room here or send a few notes to those who you find stimulating in some way. The main thing to remember is be consistent with it. Take a few moments and tell him or her that you’re thinking of them. Send them a fun and flirty note every few days so they know you really are interested. Guy’s if you want us to take care of you in a wicked way you are going to have to take care of us in an emotional way. There is no getting around it unless your writing a check for “it”.
You never know when or where you will meet someone. I meet new people all the time, probably because I’m a social butterfly but it’s still pretty nice having URNA as a place to meet others also. Next let’s take a look at some of the problems associated with online romance. What are a few of the things you need to be thinking about when it starts to look like it may get serious.
Drum roll please……..The Dreaded Disadvantages.
Ok so you had the courage to write a delicious little note and dabble in the chatroom for a few weeks. Now what? Well if your correspondence has been delightful and fun, as it should be, then let’s break out our favorite stiletto’s. Oh wait just a minute that new paramour lives on the other side of the planet remember. When it comes to long distance relationships you really need to be ready for the long haul. It could take weeks or months to schedule a time to actually meet or get together.
Another major drawback is the waiting. It can be a huge emotional drain of time and patience. You’re always wondering if the letter you sent was received. You check your mail daily hoping and praying for a new letter and the waiting can be simply maddening. What if the letters are becoming shorter and shorter? Are they losing interest or just to tired to write a sonnet that rivals Shakespeare? What if several days pass before you get that raptly anticipated letter?
You can drive yourself crazy with the scenarios you imagine while you wait by the phone for them to call or if the last phone call went well. Was it what they wanted, were they happy and did they enjoy it? What happens when you call and the conversation is cut short? What if you’re not considered the priority as you feel you should be? Guys, she IS the priority! If you blow her off it can and will cost you dearly. We girls will literally sit by the phone waiting all day for you to call us. If we call you which means we are REALLY interested you had better answer the phone.
The next challenge is relative location. Today you can meet people who literally live a million miles away and that kind of commute can be a tough one to handle. Distance is probably the biggest hurdle to overcome but if you can afford the occasional trip or you really think moving closer is the way to go these details can be worked out. The most important thing is that the two of you work them out together. If you’re even considering this then you had better be talking on the phone by now.
These my lovely readers are but a few samples of the hazards of the digital date. Don’t worry though I have just loads more to thrill you with later. Isn’t that simply smashing! If you can actually navigate the intrinsic traumas of the aforementioned and actually move towards a real meeting that’s spectacular. Yes an in person one you silly goose. Now you both are faced with even more delightful choices. How’s that for bringing on the heartache? I would rather not mention the never-ending list of disadvantages, obviously because it’s entirely to depressing.
So I will close this month with just my usual quirky finesse and leave a sweet nothing to keep you warm tonight. This column was suggested by one of the members here and if you’re really good and go get me another cup of hot coco I’ll write one with you too.
Just so you know, because I know you were thinking it. I was not the one all dolled up in the previously mentioned virtual date. Do you really think I would look that deliciously incredible and not go to the Village Station.
Seriously folks, think about it…. Sheesh.
With love,
If you have a suggestion for a topic you would like to see addressed feel free to write me through my profile on URNA. Also, feel free to Post and Comments below. If you would like to know more about me or are just curious don’t be shy, reply.